Like a pebble dropped into calm water, death creates a ripple affect around it. The death of someone close gives rise to other unanticipated
losses in our lives, known as secondary losses. The article Recognizing and Grieving Secondary Losses by Jill Harrington-LaMorie (2014) describes these additional loses and how they contribute to the feelings of despair and pain associated with death. Secondary losses are often not recognized or well understood by those around us. The changes death brings to us physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically and spiritually contribute to the perceived secondary loses. A normal part of grieving a death includes these secondary loses. Loved ones and caregivers, like teachers, must recognize these losses and be patient as they are worked through over time.
Here are some types of secondary losses that may accompany the death of a loved one.
Loss of Family Structure
The death of a parent, sibling, and even a grandparent, brings a profound change to the makeup of a student’s family. Students often must take on new responsibilities to keep the family and home functioning.
Loss of a Primary Relationship
The death of a family member or close friend results in the loss of personal interactions and activities with the deceased. Special friendships and intimate relationships are ended and exist now as memories.
Loss of the Familiar Way of Relating to Family and Friends
The grieving student may avoid friends and family who are not able to relate to their sorrow. This brings additional loss to the bereaved. New people and activities may also come into the student’s life; sitters, grandparents, daycare, and even transfer to a new schools.
Loss of Support Systems
As time passes, the support from friends, family, care givers, and even grief organizations disappears even though help and understanding are still needed. The grieving student may need to establish new support systems in order to cope.
Loss of Financial Security
The death of a parent can be a serious blow to the financial security of a family. The loss of a wage earner can result in significant life changes that
can involve keeping or not keeping a home, the ability to attend a private school, whether the student is driven to school or takes the bus, clothes they wear, and participation in social activities that have a cost. Death from a long terminal illness may put a family into debt, further affecting financial stability.
Other Secondary Losses:
References
Harrington-LaMorie, J. (2013). Recognizing and Grieving Secondary Losses. Taps Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.taps.org/magazine/article.aspx?id=9015
losses in our lives, known as secondary losses. The article Recognizing and Grieving Secondary Losses by Jill Harrington-LaMorie (2014) describes these additional loses and how they contribute to the feelings of despair and pain associated with death. Secondary losses are often not recognized or well understood by those around us. The changes death brings to us physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically and spiritually contribute to the perceived secondary loses. A normal part of grieving a death includes these secondary loses. Loved ones and caregivers, like teachers, must recognize these losses and be patient as they are worked through over time.
Here are some types of secondary losses that may accompany the death of a loved one.
Loss of Family Structure
The death of a parent, sibling, and even a grandparent, brings a profound change to the makeup of a student’s family. Students often must take on new responsibilities to keep the family and home functioning.
Loss of a Primary Relationship
The death of a family member or close friend results in the loss of personal interactions and activities with the deceased. Special friendships and intimate relationships are ended and exist now as memories.
Loss of the Familiar Way of Relating to Family and Friends
The grieving student may avoid friends and family who are not able to relate to their sorrow. This brings additional loss to the bereaved. New people and activities may also come into the student’s life; sitters, grandparents, daycare, and even transfer to a new schools.
Loss of Support Systems
As time passes, the support from friends, family, care givers, and even grief organizations disappears even though help and understanding are still needed. The grieving student may need to establish new support systems in order to cope.
Loss of Financial Security
The death of a parent can be a serious blow to the financial security of a family. The loss of a wage earner can result in significant life changes that
can involve keeping or not keeping a home, the ability to attend a private school, whether the student is driven to school or takes the bus, clothes they wear, and participation in social activities that have a cost. Death from a long terminal illness may put a family into debt, further affecting financial stability.
Other Secondary Losses:
- Loss of the Past- the inability to share memories that cause pain.
- Loss of the Future - plans for the future are often affected by death.Loss of a Large Chunk of Self-parts of personality associated with the deceased can be lost.
- Loss of Self-Confidence - death makes us aware of the limitations of life and mistakes are often made as one grieves.
- Loss of Ability to Make Decisions - results from feeling of insecurity and lack of self confidence experienced in grieving.
- Loss of Ability to See Choices - the unwanted and uncontrolled advent of changes brought by death create a sense of
being powerless to make decisions. - Loss of Trust- the experience of death can destroy trust in the world around us.
- Loss of Security - death demonstrates that the world can be a dangerous and unpredictable place.
- Loss of a Sense of Humor - the natural feeling of sorrow that come with death, make it difficult to experience the joy of humor.
- Loss of Ability to Focus and Function- pain and sadness can dominate one's feeling and thoughts, making it hard to
concentrate on tasks. - Loss of Health - grief can lead to sleeping problems, eating problems, heart issues, headaches, stomach problems, and drug abuse
- Patience - bereaved can become inpatient waiting for the pain of grief to subside, and this can carry over to other aspects of life.
References
Harrington-LaMorie, J. (2013). Recognizing and Grieving Secondary Losses. Taps Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.taps.org/magazine/article.aspx?id=9015